Hello Beautiful souls,
When I was considering what to discuss this week I felt called to talk about something we often try to avoid.
And yet, by avoiding this part of ourselves we cannot process it into healing.
Each one of us has been through painful and difficult times, it’s a part of the human experience.
Darkness is an important ingredient to life, just as light is.
It’s what shapes us, what makes us strong – it’s a part of us.
We inevitably fear the dark, and so we avoid it.
We try to numb ourselves enough to not feel anything at all, because we don’t want to feel weak – yet sometimes it’s the only thing that is stopping us from moving forward.
“I choose life” Art by Katrina Koltes
When I was a young teenager, I went through my first Dark Night of the soul. Some terrible and traumatic things that happened to me that changed my life.
I tried to cope, to survive, and to move on. But the only way I knew how to do this was by numbing out everything, or pretending it hadn’t happened.
And because I didn’t process it and face the darkness when it came, it popped its ugly head back up many years later and pulled me back in. And this time around it was much worse, and impossible to ignore. It was impossible to numb it out, or to hide from my own shadows.
I have realized that processing grief, pain or trauma comes in five stages. Pain, mourning, and grief can break us apart if we don’t learn how to process it in order to heal. Many times we get stuck in the fourth stage for fear of facing the darkness. Because even if we are strong, the darkness strikes where we are weakest.
For me it lasted many years. I was too afraid to face the last stage and so I couldn’t’ move forward in my life, and in my soul’s journey.
So let’s discuss these five stages and why we sometimes tend to get stuck in one of them.
Stages of Processing pain and grief
Stage one – Denial: In the first stage we try to numb our emotions, pretending it didn’t happen or maybe even hoping things can be undone. We refuse to accept it.
Stage two – Anger: As soon as we realize that things can’t be undone and we can’t numb it out, we get angry. We rant, we rave, we scream, we take it out on others or ourselves, thinking that if we can find someone to blame (in most cases we blame ourselves) it will make us feel better somehow.
Stage three – Rejection: Once we have worn ourselves out with all the anger and emotions, we try to talk our way out of the consequences, only accepting what we want to hear. We try to postpone our grief, which slowly leads to rejecting what is happening and not wanting to cope with it anymore.
Stage four – Depression: Because we refuse to cope with it we bury our emotions inside, closing them up with a lock and key as they fester deep down in the dark. We put on a mask of indifference and complete numbness to be able to carry on with life.
Stage five – Acceptance: As much as we tried to self-sabotage and self-destruct ourselves we eventually realize that these emotions and they become a part of us and it’s time to move on. We allow ourselves to feel the sadness and grief, to process it, until we can finally accept it and move forward.
As pain and grief are a part of the human experience, they too need to be faced.
Once they are broken through and processed, we can transform it into something amazing.
Because when we have been through the Dark Night of the soul and come out of it whole again, we come out even stronger and more resilient than before.
I like to see it as a gift.
A beautiful remodeling and reshaping of our soul.
“Dancing with Angels” – Art by Katrina Koltes
It’s like in the ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi – It teaches us that if we choose to embrace our struggles and repair ourselves with love, our heart can fill it’s cracks with gold and become even more beautiful for having been broken.
We then can also easier relate to those who are suffering, offering them comfort and healing.
This week I am releasing a new session – “Shadow Work Reading”.
This session is for any of you who are still stuck in one of the first stages like I was. Maybe you haven’t moved on because of fear, or you needed someone to help guide you through. whatever the reason, we will face the darkness and uncover those blocks and shadows that have been holding you back.
This is a very powerful reading and channeling, and must be something you feel ready for and want to do. If you are ready to face your fears, to move forward into your most true and authentic self, then this session is for you.
Know that the answers are not always what you will want to hear… They may be uncomfortable. But they will be what your soul needs in order to heal and move on.
Because you, beautiful soul, deserve to live the life you’ve dreamed of without holding back. You deserve to shine and share your gifts with the world.
You can learn more about this session or book yours here:
With all my love,